Happy New Year! I have tinsel, ornaments, wrapping paper, mail and lord knows what else on top of my real life. Holidays are tons of fun but I run out of room for all this joyous mess. Where is my watch? I lost three combs, the cell phone charger, a few implements and my socks. I really need my socks. We had a lovely holiday and did some wonderful things so life is really good. Eventually I'll find my life underneath the lights and fake candles. Happy New Year! 2012 was a very full year for SCONY members and we made it. All the parties were successful and both weekends moved ahead without a bump. I will always carry Pinky close to my heart. This group really pulled together when it counted and my hope is that all of us can continue to be a great team. I want to thank all the people that set up and break down for the parties. There are no words for people who step up and chip in. SCONY is getting a new website which will be easier for me to navigate. Give me a chance to get used to it. As long as the information is out there I'm happy for now. If you see a glaring error with the site let me know. Of course you will get spanked for being too fussy. My wish for 2013 is that if there are novice players out there who want to try spanking that they look us up and attend the events we have to offer. I wish that all the people that need to spank or be spank have their dreams come true. I hope that communication, tolerance and kindness grows as the group increases in its membership. May we all continue to use good sense in what we say and do so that the community grows in peace. Life is too short so let us move forward in peace. Have a great 2013, Ms. Margaret

"Brat: Please explain. I'm not 100% what the definition is:" by Margaret Davis I saw this post on Fetlife and I decided to answer it. Brat: a chlld; specifically: an ill-mannered annoying child b: an ill-mannered immature person I am no stranger to giving explanations of and dealing with BRATS. In the early 90's the term used was SAM, Smart Ass Masochist. The term seemed a little harsh for my newly emerging old-fashioned spanking group so I used the term BRAT to define the behavior I ran into when people simply wanted to be spanked as opposed to the long BDSM list of dungeon tortures. I didn't see the bottoms in my group as masochists as much as just mischievous adults who were temporarily being naughty in order to earn a punishment (or attention). In real life spankos are horribly independent, free spirits. Very few could live the 24/7 masochistic life style. What I describe in this post is based on some kind of ongoing conversations/emails about limits and consent. Bratting in the spanking community means, "Show me you care by making me mind". You may ask, "Mind what?" The answer is behavior that the top and bottom have agreed upon that the bottom does not mind being corrected for and the top believes they can/should manage. Bratting sometimes involves a certain amount of arguing/resistance from the bottom, which is why 'no no no' can't be a safe word. A brat often says no when they mean yes. A brat is not likely to 'get into position' willingly but usually enjoys a certain amount of force used. A brat would probably not say, "please, sir, may I have another". A brat loves to tease. They love to see what they can get away with before a Top is provoked into reacting, which to some Doms (BDSM title) is unacceptable. In the BDSM world a Dom wants more control of everything including when s/he will do a scene. Being a Top (more of a spanking community term) means you are a little more flexible with all the activities in the room, similarly like parents and teachers have to be. A novice brat will test the water and see if you mean business. You may tell them to keep quiet or put something down and of course they will continue to see if you are serious. Like a responsible disciplinarian you get up, take them to a private spot, keep things serious, put them in position and give them a good paddling. If they find this amusing there are different choices to get the smile off their face. This kind of scene may be totally serious or done playfully. It sort of depends on the setting and individual choices. The great news about bratting is that the bottom is clearly signaling to a top that s/he is open for some kind of exchange or scene. The exchange may be only verbal but the bottom has consented to something. For it to turn into anything physical, like a spanking, the top must choose their words carefully. Somewhere in the bottom's response there has to be consent. (Maybe the consent was given much earlier in an email) There is one great top I know who extends his elbow to a female bottom (as if he is escorting her at a wedding) and he says, "Do you think we should go take care of your behavior problem?" or "Let's go take care of this." She takes his elbow and knows where she's going. She consented. As part of the scene a Top could always have a bottom to do lines and in the line create words that gives the Top permission to administer whatever punishment the Top feels is necessary. With a little pre planning from the Top all things done can be put into the context of the scene but that's another article. If a top has done a good job administering that first act of discipline, from there on all a Top needs to do is 'give them the look' from across the room and the bottom will behave. (Ha... only in a perfect world). When 'the look' stops working it is a Top's duty to remind them of how a discipline spanking feels. Etc. It's the same 'game' children do with their parents only with adults one has to be aware that not all adults imagine bratting as having them fantasize about being a child. Some play relationships have contracts that work on real life issues; such as, paying bills, losing weight, being on time, getting rest, etc. A top who takes that on is really assuming the responsibilities not unlike raising a child and it's a lot of work. A top has to keep good records to be consistent. Not all Tops want to do all that work. The biggest problem with brats is "over bratting'... that's so annoying. If you're a Top and can't stand the over-bratting (and every Top has a different limit) never give into it. Never reward a brat with a spanking if they are getting on your nerves. Bottoms who brat too much should just hear a safe word from Tops and that should be it. Over- bratting from one person can suck all the energy out of room and certainly discourage other bottoms from getting their fair share of scenes with Tops. Greedy players (Tops and bottoms) have to be nicely reminded that there are other players in the room who also have needs and also may not have many opportunities to play. I have a few tips on bratting. If you brat to the whole room you are signaling the whole room is welcome to handle you. It's best to brat to a specific person or group of tops you are consenting to engage. Brats are often attention seekers in need of a constant spotlight. Look around and share. If you are good at creating play energy be sure to include others who might benefit from your help. "Brat" is a child-like word but it doesn't mean you have to act like a child. Lots of players love mischief but not all players like baby-talk and family names; such as, daddy, mommy, auntie, etc. Look around and see where you are. You might be at a party where certain words should be said softly. Batting is not fun for a Top if it borders on showing disrespect or making fun of another grown adult who is trying to show you a good scene time. Things that come in that category are nasty pranks or disrespectful remarks. You don't want a Top to step back and get angry with you. If you are a Top dealing with a brat hat does not mean you are a doormat. At some point a brat has to show they've 'learned their lesson'. Constant defiance is not amusing. Running away from a consequence earned from batting is not a good idea either. Trying to goad a Top into physically chasing you is usually not safe. Someone will get hurt or something gets broken. In your head you might be a child but the reality is you're not. Every Top likes to feel that they gave a bottom the time of their life. They want to believe they did their best and the bottom enjoyed it. Both players are responsible for helpful feedback and good manners.

“RED”/No/Stop on Hitler

I run the Spanking Club of New York (SCONY), which has been doing its small part for spanking enjoyment since 1997. Between 2005-2008 my husband and I traveled a great deal in California and attended several parties where the spanking community got along, shared friends and attended each other’s parties in peace. This is not the situation in NYC and many of us wish that there would be an end to an ongoing hate fest being energized by SSNY, which began in 2008. It's a dead issue. The main reason I’m writing is to apologize for any unpleasant gossip or rumors that makes anyone in the community look uncivilized or unwelcoming. This past April at SSNY’s Atlantic City party there was a video using Hitler as a rejected SSNY guest. Mike S. made an appearance telling Hitler that they don’t let assholes attend. Hitler’s henchmen told him “but SCONY has welcomed you with open arms”. At the end Hitler’s response was, ‘F### SCONY”. The video was offensive on so many levels. It was meant to entertain but people who don’t find Hitler jokes, German history or war references funny believe SSNY went beyond what is mature or helpful to people who just want to live out their spanking fantasies, be respected and have a good time. I don’t understand why this group went out of their way to offend SCONY members who were sitting right there and who had paid good money to attend. Also, no one is taking responsibility for the video being shown. All party groups, on some level, absorb the objectives of the group creator. Anyone who knew the contents of the video and didn’t get up and turn it off is responsible. Depending on what you like there are several spanking groups in NYC so it’s time for the anger to stop. SCONY does not hinder any other group anywhere. In fact, we contribute to the membership of all the groups around the country. We have intimate monthly parties and do not sell any products other than occasional souvenirs. Twice a year we have a weekend party but the resort is fairly small compared to the large hotels used by the vendors and video people. Most of our membership keeps a very low profile outside the traveling spanking circuit and Fetlife culture. The goal is for people to live out their spanking fantasies the way they like and with privacy. I would rather participate in my fantasies than watch a video of them so I never got interested in having a commercial group. It’s rumored that I let anyone join SCONY but people know how I run things. There is a SCONY protocol which is nearly identical to other party groups. People who can’t operate within the rules or disagree with how I run things simply don’t come back. There’s no ill feeling because like everyone else, I am entitled to my limits. I see former guests all the time and we get along fine. Most people respect that Tom and I are not comfortable entertaining all the aspects spanking parties generate so we limit our focus to what we can handle, which is mostly just being nice to people. People in NY respect this but one group does not and it’s not clear why. They seem to be doing well and have built their own group so all should be good. At this time what is the point of pulling party consumers into the middle of an out dated drama that is not their problem. Spanking parties are too expensive to waste time on old news and hard feelings. I would like to believe that people in the scene know that negative behavior, gossip and cheap shots at other people’s choices do not help the overall health of the community. All of us are supposed to be having a good time and following the basic rules of respect in the scene. SCONY has a long history of providing a very friendly, safe landing for shy, new players. Sometimes, but not always, members move on to different play and other groups which Tom and I are completely comfortable with since we are aware of our own limits regarding what we want to entertain. All the spanking groups need to continue so as to give the old-fashioned, spanking community a fair representation in the fetish world. We have our own calling and need to continue working towards quality adult entertainment with respect to the individual talents each group has. Peace, safe play, tolerance, communication and good times if we see you at any upcoming parties. Sincerely, Margaret Davis

Father Rich is in so much trouble

What is happening? I’m pacing up and down my pretty suite like a crazy woman. How can I ever manage without all my needs fulfilled?

Rich actually told me, “No, Margaret, I am not painting your room back to pink.” (I really never asked but he volunteered a ‘no’ and I wasn’t prepared for that.)

Moving right along, later on when Rich was asking for any helpful comments about the resort he turned around abruptly and said, “No, Margaret, I am not putting a fireplace in the lobby.” I gave him the look.

“You can’t tell me no.”

“Well I just did”

Father Rich is now on my bad boy list.

Great Choices for Dance Class. I love my job.

(Ms. Margaret paces up and down in her office planning the April Weekend)

“Well I got some a nice sleep last night. I wonder if the dance quiz material I sent had the little rug rats up all night wondering how their life will suffer if they don’t know every dance move demonstrated in the movie clips I sent them. Maybe I could pick just one; no I’m not that easy. What if I asked for demos from a few; no, they would just take over my class with chaos. On the other hand, having a few carted off to the emergency room makes less work for me. Most of these students belong under a doctor’s care any way.”

“Do I dare ask for their opinions or for volunteers? Can I trust them?”

(Pondering over the dance material)

Quiz Material:

Throwback Dance moves!!! How many can you name?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rpElxj_pM

Flash Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq9iySqEiU0

Moonwalk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUpa-Fu1EFM&feature=related

60-90’s Montage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phQksO6vPdU

Jane Fonda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=u5N8Zt8brTo&feature=endscreen

Break dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=Ey8Ui63VgHs&NR=1

Slam dancing/Slamming/Moshing/Pogoing/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HbFrM4Lm18

I lost Joey and a fireplace story.

Sigh.. You know I'm not good at this stuff so somebody please walk me over to Joey's blog. I can't find it and you know how I am without instant gratification.

If you missed chat last night you didn’t learn the lesson of make sure you get your fireplace cleaned out regularly, which we did not and, hence, my lazy afternoon with my dogs turned into a fiasco.

The dogs needed a bath so as is my custom I took each canine one at a time and showered them after I washed my hair. The three of us needed drying out and warming up so I lit a fire. I soon noticed that the smoke was going the wrong way so the afternoon of two alarm systems began. We still had the smoke detectors from 2000 and the new ones that came with the ADT alarm system. I put the howling dogs in the back room and called ADT, whose number were in letters “1 800 ADT ASAP”. As the fire raged I got this puny little extinguisher from the kitchen that sort of ‘whizzed” on the fireplace. Of course I took time to save the birthday balloons flying around in the smoke. I ran out into the yard so I could see in bright light without my glasses how to convert ADT ASAP. (Try doing that with your hands shaking).

I assumed the fire trucks were on the way because we are connected! (I know this because they showed up very fast when I brought the smoke machine in the house on Halloween one night… while the Yankees were playing in the World Series… another story) I told ADT I forgot the code and could they turn the alarm off. She said she couldn’t help me. WHAT? I called Mr. Ryder and I got his machine. ADT told me to go downstairs and pull out the battery. I ‘reentered’ the house and went into the basement and started yanking wires. Nothing stopped. She said go to the electric panel and turn all of breakers off and back on so we can reset it. I did that but then I realized I’m in the basement almost right under the fireplace in the pitch dark. I went back upstairs where the dogs were barking and got the flashlight (for boats) so it was really awkward to hold and put the panel back together. I put all the fuses back on and went back to fireplace where the smoke was still steaming.

I didn’t hear any fire trucks coming!

I told the lady, “I think I need help here”.

“Would you like me to call the fire department?”

(&^%!!&*) “Why yes I think that that would be a good idea”

The fire station around the corner must have been on break because it took ten minutes for the company further across town to show with trucks cars, bell, lights and sirens. The first guy through the door was ten feet tall with big legs and a mean face so I was in love.

I have to back up here. Before I showered I had been painting so the only clothes handy were paint splattered scrubs and my feet were bare, my hair was wet, no undies or make up on and green nail polish was glowing for St. Patrick’s week. I looked simply stunning as twenty five firemen ran toward the house. There were two trucks and so many cars blinking that the street was blocked off. Naturally, here come the neighbors. I was the shortest one wandering around and my young sweet neighbor (whose wife is going to have a baby in time) came by and stood next to me. He was soooooooo cute.

He said, “Do you need me here”

“Yes! I know one of these guys is going to chastise the homeowner and they won’t be so mean if a guy is standing here.”

So the firemen used their big extinguisher and put out the fire and smoke ascended up the white wall. Sigh…. Now, the second alarm system decided to go off. The dogs were in cardiac arrest by now. There was an antique lard boiling pot my great grandparents used to make soap sitting next the fireplace.

The fireman in charge said, “Let’s use this and get the logs out of here.”

“Not the lard bucket!” I said. Too late. It was filled with hot logs and taken outside in a trail of smoke.” Only one fireman was old enough to know what that bucket was and I mumbled, “My grandmother is rolling over in her grave”. He laughed.

I heard the two dogs but I lost the cat. One fireman said, “Maybe that’s what’s up the chimney.” I panicked, freaked and teared up when he said that but about that time a cute little fireman came down the stairs and said, “No, she’s asleep on the bed. I just saw her”. So while I wasn’t looking a fireman with a see-through-the-wall-smoke-detector had gone through all the rooms in the house. My brain exploded wondering if there were paddles, canes and belts lying around.

Finally, Mr. R calls back. How do I tell him all this and entertain a house full of luscious fireman? I told him just to hang on and listen so I held the phone near my cheek but facing the fireman as he started his speech. I pointed to the phone and said, "He’s the homeowner.” There was a problem resetting the alarm so I gave the phone to the fireman with the speech.

About this time the fire department from around the corner showed up. I had to bite my tongue and count to ten to keep myself from going ballistic on their heads. While they stood around they tested the hydrant right in between my house and my neighbor’s. The good neighbor was standing next to me while drips of rusty red water poured onto the steaming logs in the gutter and the two of us wondered if this thing really worked.

There had to fifty people standing around but they all disappeared as quickly as they came except for my one neighbor, an artist, from down the street. She just stood there and looked at my outfit. “ M, what were you doing this time? Nice polish on the nails, too.” I think I threatened her.

My neighbors from next door offered to let me sit in their house until my home had aired out. I took them up on the offer and he and his wife forced vodka down my throat for a few hours until it was time for me to come home and go into chat. Somehow,” How was your day?” turned into a very long answer. Nothing I said was coming out right and I had to take some serious abuse from some very disrespectful brats. Just remember this was all Caroline’s fault because I was working on weekend stuff in the morning and was concerned about her first trip to the mountains.

Can't believe some people

I had a great laugh today. If you are reading this little blog post you probably know and are aware that, as scene standards go, I’m limited to what I do or talk about in public. So today I got a message from a total stranger on Fetlife.

“Hey
I can't stop seeing your pics Goddess
I wanna worship you until I die
i can lick and clean your shoes. feet and toes by my crazy tongue
i can do whatever you want
I need to be abused by you
i was born to be your slavedog my Goddess
I enjoy giving massages, foot worship , watersports and any form of body worship desired. i love humiliation including being spat on and pissed on. i am happy to endure pain for my Mistress .”

Where do I start? What is he thinking? Maybe I’ll write back and say, “Oh baby, oh baby, hold me back” (Is any woman so desperate to answer this stuff?) Do you get the feeling I’m not the only person to get this invitation?

Do you believe he said “Hey” to Ms. Margaret? Lea is the only person who must call me Goddess. Mr. R calls me Mistress with a lisp and a paddle in his hand.

The song “If you don’t know me by now… you will never never never know me…. Ah, oooooooooo” is running through my head.