I really have to calm down from the SCONY weekend in the mountains before somebody follows me home.
I went into Dunkin Doughnuts and there were three people from India working behind the counter. This is a wonderful store with employees whose mastery of English varies from a lot to very little. In very broken English one young man asked me, “Can I help you?”
I said, “Yes, I’d like a large mocha coolata with a shot of whiskey.”
He frowned and started making my order. His two co-workers started giggling.
He looked up. “With a shot of what?” and I answered “Whiskey”.
I couldn’t keep this up so we laughed and told him I was kidding. He was just too cute and trying so hard.
Two construction workers entered the back of the store and the young lady asked if she could help him. He said, “I’d like a number 13.”
I said, “Number 13 comes with a stripper.” His eyes lit up and the three employees started laughing.
“Wow, I’d like that. I gotta come in here more often.”
A third construction man came in and his friend said, “Get number 13. It comes with a stripper.”
“That’s what she said.”
As I was leaving the construction guys were blocking the counter and I said, “Excuse me. Can I get a straw?”
They backed up and said, “Aw, no. You can’t have that.”
I told them that cutting back on straws was how they pay for the stripper.
I didn’t notice that in the background there was a LIPA guy watching all this. As I left he just kept looking around like he didn’t know where he was. I was on a roll and started to say something like, "The stripper's name is Maurice." but I don’t mess with anybody who can turn the power on in Long Island.